If I Were A Superhero
* Recently I have been joking around with people about who I would be if I were a super hero. So, I’ve decided to do a fun/silly post today with a detailed description about myself as a superhero. I hope you enjoy it!
Name: “Mountain Man”
Bio: On a normal day he is an average young adult who still lives with his parents, but when duty he calls he is transformed into ‘Mountain Man’. When he becomes ‘Mountain Man’ he throws on his super manly flannel armor, his spiffy caddie hat (complete with ear flaps), and instantaneously grows out a huge mountain man beard. He jumps on his orange moped (called ‘The Mountain Ped’), straps his ear flaps beneath his chin, and rides off to save the locals from crazy tourists, outsiders, New Yorkers and Jerseyites.
His super powers include:
– The ability to grow trees in any location: in front of crazy tourist drivers; through the homes and summer getaways of those who have infiltrated the Poconos; around himself for protection; and to block outsiders from invading the state.
– The means of confusing tourists completely using his Disorienting Compass. Location, time, and all of reality become foreign concepts to his victims and will cause them to either flee the scene or curl up in the fetal position making it easier to relocate them to where they belong.
He also has a sidekick named Dale. Dale is an oversized black bear cub who has super wrestling powers and retractable thumbs to help him take down his enemies easier. ‘Mountain Man’ found Dale alone and abandoned in the woods, trained, and raised him. Dale rides with Mountain Man in the sidecar attached to ‘The Mountain Ped’.
His over arching goal is to save the Poconos from those who:
– Complain about the wilderness (the bugs, the cold, the wild life)
– Constantly say, “There is nothing to do here”
– Do not know how to drive in snow
– Sleep in RV’s and call it camping
– Bulldoze trees to build ritzy houses in gated communities
– Are unable to tell deer and dogs apart
– Buy all the milk and bread from the store when there is a storm
– Do not know how to properly use a wood stove
– Cannot survive with out Air Conditioning
– Are too grossed out to swim in a lake
– Try to bring their gangs from the hood to the wood
– Wonder where the street lights are at night here
– Are afraid of wild life
*My girlfriend Antonia drew me as ‘Mountain Man’ and I drew ‘The Mountain Ped’ and ‘Dale’*