One Year Ago
September 12th, 2011
Tonight I journeyed back into the past because it is beautiful and I miss it.
I saw myself at NTM training sessions talking to Ryan, I saw myself on rooftops in Ghana, I saw people I had forgotten about and was reminded of songs I loved. I was reminded that in all my attempts to be a part of a conversation I had forgotten the conversations I used to have with myself.
Once I used to think, dream, see and write – even if it made no sense.
I would see a Father in the moon and would make shakers from pinecones. I once lived in days that have died such a beautiful death. A death that people laugh of when they recall it, and that people write stories about.
That is what I want now.
When these days die – like heros in car crashes or gun fights – I long for them to be as beautiful as the last. All I really want is to live well and to be remembered for the beauty I discovered – the beauty that kept me going, and, but for previous journal entries, I have lost that.
So who cares what happens to me? Who cares how many books I read, or how many thoughts I think? Who cares where I live or if I even marry? All that should matter right now is that I lived and let life engulf me.
I will learn, yes I will! I will live, with more depth than I could ever come to imagine. I will live, with Christ as my guide, but I must start again and again each and every day. No turning back, no turning back.
So here’s to the breath I will take when I least expect to continue.
*This journal entry is from 9-12-11. This is was me exactly one year ago.*