Sometimes in the present you want to change your past, and sometimes in the present you want to change the present itself.
We are an unsatisfied people.
At least that is what I am learning about myself.
Up until this past year I was unsatisfied. I was always trying to alter reality and reality’s past. The past was like a tumor on a tree; the present was like a blank white page, neglected due to writers block; and the future was simply unobtainable, like the stars.
I found myself always reaching and never grasping.
But sometime changed: life altered its course. In what seemed like the flick of a wrist, life found satisfaction and contentment. Everything reversed and all that was once blurry came rapidly into focus. For this reason, the past, the present, and the future, all appear much different to me now.
I am learning.
As I look out from this serene reality I am realizing that I do not want to change the past or the present because to change anything would be to lose what I have here.
All that we remember: words, moments, songs, and days are all things of the past, but at the same moment they are the footprints that brought worlds together (whether directly or indirectly). They are the steps that led to a new tree of loyalty; to a silver stem bursting through the surface. (On which new words, memories, songs, days and moments hang to adorn each new branch like bright Autumn leaves).
To change the past would be to change the steps that eventually led to such a tree. Though I would never want to relive my past, and though I regret some of my past choices and attitudes, I am so thankful for the steps that led me here. I am grateful for all that the past has taught me about what it means to love, fight, and be loyal. I am a better man because of those steps, for from them I have learned so much about who I am, and what is worth fighting for.