Porcelain Shell

“Music is playing and the room seems empty enough to begin filling it. This week has been one of experience. Two things happened that have never happened before:

1. I held a baby for the first time.
2. We found out that my dad has cancer.

Both are were life changing experiences.

Pertaining to the first: Life was so fragile  for those 20 mins. James was asleep in my arms and lay as still as a corpse, but more full of life then I have been in a while. Slowly his mind tried to picture all it could recall from such a short, but growing existence. Every so often he would squirm and prove to all those surrounding that he was alive. I gazed into his eyes and realized how small and fragile he was. His knuckles were mere indents in his hands and his whole body easily fit on my lap. It is hard to think that I was once like him: small, defenseless, and learning. There he dreamt dressed like a ‘Wild Thing’ off in some imaginary world exploring and learning how to take a risk.

As to the second: I saw it coming, though I had no clue. The text reminded me too much of the calls that I got about the two deaths in my family while I was at college. My dad has a tumor near his throat that is more than likely cancerous. My reaction was not surprise, anger, shock, or sadness, it just was. I always wondered how I’d respond if something like this happened, now I knew: with an extreme level of trust. I guess I have been learning a lot about trust these days and at what level it should exist. I know the road ahead will not be an easy one, but it is one that will be taken. We cannot change our course, only our demeanor. So we will walk together toward what will come and though we don’t always want what we get, we must trust that it is for our good. Here too I had discovered the fragile nature of life.

We cannot ever let go and even when life’s fragile porcelain shell breaks we must learn from its pieces.

And so another section of the world unfolds before us.”

– Journal Entry 1-15-11

*Its hard to think that its been a year since my dad had cancer, and that he is still battling through the chemo treatments, but reading this the other day was a real encouragement to me. I can’t help but think that God will use all of this to teach us amazing things, and to use us in mysterious ways.*

What is your reaction when you encounter the beauty and pain of life?


About Jeremiah Dowling

I write poetry and take crazy pictures in an Orange Chair all over the United States while reading amazing books.

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