I want to write something profound, but I cannot always inspire.
I want to project my thoughts like holograms,
but I can’t always bring my words to life.
I want to start a movement, but I fail to find movement within myself.
Often times, my life is all about plans. In my mind I can see the future. Everything I hope for rests in the forefront of my mind: my future wife, kids, jobs, adventures, and dreams. I watch them like movies projected on the walls of my mind and it is all so beautiful. Every detail is worked out, and nothing is wrong. I have plans for proposals, plans for names, plans for adventures and plans for the tiniest of dreams. There I always say the rights things and others always say the right things back.
The only problem is they are all illusions; they are nothing but fragments of hopeful thoughts.
Sometimes I forget this and I spend some much time perfecting them that I miss reality. I often speak as the future me would speak, and live as the future me would live, and in a colorful charade I cease to live altogether. To easily I am caught up into a realm of non-existance. Bright colors, vibrant thoughts, psychedelic dreams, all float like ghosts before me. I cannot ever grasp them. They look so beautiful, but I can never hold them, for they do not exist, yet.
I can hope for them, but I cannot rely on them – as I so often try to do. There is an earth beneath my feet, there is a family before my eyes, there are friends within the sound of my voice, and there are present thoughts to be written down. These things cannot be neglected for the sake of what I hope for. Today I have forgotten that. I have been fighting for what I want instead of what I have. I keep getting ahead of myself and keep missing the beauty of the life that is sprouting from this hollow land.
I long to see acorns grow into mighty oak trees, but for the moment I will learn to be inspired by its growth. For the moment I will remember what it means to live, and I will hold onto what is real. I will be here, right now, and not miss a beat.